Not my day.

There's not much going on today, i'm really bored. Nothing to do.. I don't have a spirit to study at all. My blackberry's conection is nyebelin abis woi. Pending terus dari tadi malem sampe skrg, jam 6 sore. What the hell. What happened with my sunday..hh.

Btw, Tommorow will be the first day of UTS. Yap rada telat kali ya baru uts sekarang. But i'll try my best. Wishmeluck, Bismillah!

That's true qal :")

Qalista Septinela ♥

Hai qalista, udah 9 hari lo pergi kesana. Pasti seneng ya qal disana, udah ga ngerasain sakitnya kemo lagi udah boleh makan apa aja ya sayang, udah bebas gausah di rumah sakit lagi, udah ga ada suster yang recet buat milihin kamu makanan ya? I'm happy as long as you happy ya sayang =)

Yang disini lagi kangen banget nih qal, lo ngangenin banget sih qal. inget gaksih qal dulu kita kemana-mana bareng pas smp sampe satu bimbel di inten satu kelas mana suka cabut terus sok sok buat kelas sendiri padahal ga ada gurunya terus lo bilang itu yang ngajar bu-sukma padahal ga ada yang namanya bu sukma mbak intennya sampe heran sendiri... hahaha qal. Dulu juga kita suka banget pulang sekolah ke rumah tari, nder atau audry naik bajaj rame rame sampe ber delapan sampe ada yang di depan sama supirnya. mana nama bajajnya bajaj "manda" hahaha.

Lo dulu suka banget bikin video-video ga jelas, bager banget sih qal!!! dari video balonku yang di remix terus sampe video joget joget dangdut juga ada lengkap banget deh qal. mana lo mirip banget sama fitri tropika, setiap ada dia di tv aku selalu inget kamu qal. gabisa dilupain banget deh cara ngomong dan gayanya.

Terus yang paling gue inget ya qal lo sering banget sama disa nyontohin foto foto orang pacaran ahaha sok sok kissing lah, pegang bunga, tatapan idung ditarik kaya nadia dan *bip*, terus inget banget qal yang kita sempet bermasalah gara2 kita iseng main jackass hehe. Lo juga selalu ada qal buat yang lain kalo pada punya masalah pasti crtnya ke kamu.

Tapi dibalik semua keceriaan lo, ternyata lo punya beban yang sangat berat ya qal. Lo nyimpen penyakit yang sangat berat, leukimia. berawal dari lebam yang awalnya gue kira lo bercanda qal maaf bgt qal tapi ternyata itu serius dan akhirnya lo masuk ke rs. pondok indah. Gak lama disitu lo dirujuk ke rumah sakit kanker dharmais. it's getting serious everyday... dan akhirnya dokter mendiagnosa kalo lo mengidap Leukemia.

Sedih banget qal kita semua tau itu, tapi kita semua yakin qal kalo lo pasti bakal sembuh dan bisa ceria lagi kaya dulu. Di rumah sakit aja lo masih masihnya sempet ngomong kalo lo mau dengerin semua cerita gue qal walaupun yang ga penting, padahal beban yang lo tanggung jauh lebih berat daripada gue. lo selalu semangat terus buat sembuh, jalanin beberapa tahap penyembuhan yang berat dari kemo masuk isolasi sampe akhirnya lo harus ngerelain rambut lo.. :( Qalista was the strongest person i’d ever know. Sekuat itu qal lo ngejalanin semuanya dan lo masih bisa buat senyum dam masih bisa ngehibur ngehibur orang orang dengan kondisi lo yang kaya gitu :)

Tapi ternyata Allah berkehendak lain.. Rabu 23 Maret 2011, Allah ngambil lo qal buat ada di tempat yang lebih baik :( Sumpah nyesek banget qal pas gue tau itu gue lagi otw dharmais qal, tapi belom sampe dharmais... gue udah dapet berita itu. Ya Allah qal.. this is too soon. Yang gue seselin sampe sekarang kenapa gue gabisa ontime saat itu qal, kenapa gue ga ada di saat saat terakhir lo. Maaf banget qal :""""(

Tapi mungkin ini yang terbaik ya sayang buat kamu, biar ga ngerasain sakit sakit lagi ya qal. gue yakin qal lo pasti seneng disana yaa, banyak banget qal yang doain kamu disini banyak banget yang sayang sama kamu qal. Maaf ya qal kalo gue masih suka nangis kalo inget tentang lo tapi gue akan berusaha bisa sekuat lo ya qal. Kita juga udah janji kok qal setiap ada yang ulangtahun ada acara atau ada waktu luang nanti kita pasti nyekar ya sayang biar kamu ga kesepian. Nanti kita kasih banyak bunga yaaa qal. Kita juga bakal sering sering ke rumah lo qal buat nemenin tante dewi yah qal :) kamu yang tenang disana ya.

Selamat jalan qalista, you deserve a better place :').

We'll meet up soon kay? wait for me ya qal!
I love you so much sayang, u'll be forever in my heart =)

Here it goes..

You just waltzed back in my life like you deserve to be here or something. you could have come back anytime, anytime before now. But you waited and waited. And you know what? It's too late. I kept waiting for you to come back, and you didn't. You never come back, until now. Anytime before now i would have welcomed you back with open arms But you're too late this time. I gave you more than enough chances to make things right and you didn't.

I opened myself up to get cut wide open. I finally moved on. I'm happy. That's something i never though i'd say. I'm sorry if i'm not ready to throw all of that away to let u back in and make me look like a fool when u fuck me over. Again. I can't put myself thought that again. You can't erase the past. The way we are now, it's not my fault. I didn't cheat, lie, or push u away. You did this to yourself. I'm sorry if you can't find anyone who amounts to me, which you probably won't, but it's ur own doing.

I'm not saying this out of spite or pity or anger even. I'm saying this because i know that no girl will ever amount to what i was for you, what you were for me. No girl will ever connect and feel for you the way i did. Maybe the same will go for me. There's never going to be another guy that is just like you, who loved me like u did.

But i'm ready to move on, to experience what else is out there. I can't put myself through what you did to me again. I need change. If we're meant to be, we'll find each other again one day and maybe i'm fall madly in love with you again. If not, i really hope u find find happiness in the decision u made. Because god knows i would never have chosen this for us. But also i can't fix what u create.

PS : I'm so glad we can be bestfriend again :)

.............I don't know how to explain it

"I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to do
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you"

- Colbie Caillat - Fallin’ For You

LIFE.

when words fail music speaks

I know that you still haven't found you
And when I wanna stand on my own too
Suddenly you start to show signs of what is possible

Then you're back to your ways and I let me down
Tell me why I keep tryna stay around
When all my family, they always tellin' me be through with you
And I know that deep down I'm calling time on you, on you

Every time I'm ready to leave
I seem to be pullin' in the wrong direction,
Divin' in with no protection
And you can't keep steering me wrong, oh gravity

Pulling me back, pulling me in
Why you pulling me back, pulling me in?
Just like gravity, gravity, gravity, gravity, gravity, gravity

Be quiet, let me leave, let me go, don't say another word
'Cause with every sound you're pullin' me down
Baby, you got a hold on me like gravity

-Gravity, Pixie Lott

You freakin me out. unpredictable.